You’ll get by with a little help from your friends

The Beatles were spot on. We do get by with a little help from our friends. Research proves it. There’s plenty of evidence that loneliness can lead to declining health. In fact, one study found loneliness is as toxic as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

It’s common sense that diet and exercise habits affect your overall health as you age. But guess what? The size of your social network affects it more. Even online connections have shown to lower the risk of depression in retired people by as much as one-third compared to those who do not go online.

Building new friendships requires your dedication and effort. “There’s a science to it,” says psychologist Marisa Franco PhD. It’s possible to stumble upon someone who ends up becoming a good friend. But don’t wait for that to happen. Here are some steps you can take to foster new relationships:

Find a social activity you enjoy. 

• With Medicare comes free membership to YMCA and other gyms. There you’ll find exercise classes (some specifically for older adults), swimming, yoga, pickleball, all sorts of fun activities where you can make new friends. Don’t be shy if you’re a beginner. Everyone was once a beginner. As Dr. Franco says, “Show up. Keep showing up. Assume the people there like you.” 

• Some recreation centers include activities like playing card games, board games, mahjong, chess, etc. If the center has a group specifically for seniors, they likely have outings that you can join. Find out what’s available in your community. 

• Extend an invitation to a person you want to get to know. “Would you like to meet for coffee or lunch next week?” 

Be a person others want to spend time with.

It’s no fun spending time with people who are crabby. You want friends who are likeable and fun to be with. Your potential new friends will feel the same way about you. Are you a person that others want to spend time with? 

• Be a battery. Have you heard the idea that some people are batteries, and some are vacuums? If you’re a battery you bring positive energy and enthusiasm to the room. If you’re a vacuum, you drain energy from people around you. Who would you rather spend time with? Don’t dwell on the negative. If you’re interesting, likeable, and fun, others will want to spend time with you. Making new friends will be easier. 

• Be a good conversationalist. Yes, you love your family. Your children and grandchildren are special people, and you enjoy talking about them. But the same is true of the people you hope will become your new friends. Their children and grandchildren are also special. That’s why, when making small talk, you should avoid bragging about your family. You won’t convince potential new friends that your family is somehow better, greater, or more unique than theirs. Avoid the topic. It’s boring to everyone except you. 

• Avoid discussing Fred. And George. Unless you enjoy arguing, avoid discussing politics with people who are vehemently on the other side of the political spectrum than you. If you’re passionate about Fred Flintstone and they can’t stand Fred Flintstone but instead are passionate about George Jetson, you’re not going to sway their vote. Let them be them. You be you. Find something else to talk about. 

• Be the planner of fun events. Host a pie night. Everyone who loves to bake brings a pie. Those who don’t bring a bottle of wine and their appetite. Organize a dinner every third Wednesday. Coffee on Friday mornings. A Friendsgiving dinner. A drive to explore a nearby town. Be the fun person that others want to be around.